Despacito from the other side

Despacito cartoon

The awesome power of this music video is best appreciated with the sound off.

Important note: the events in this sketch are not the fault of any of the characters. Behind every stupid music video is a stupid director.

SCENE ONE

A young, beautiful, scantily-dressed woman is walking through a small Puerto Rican village, sensuously.

She comes to a wall, and presses her back against it, slowly writhing up and down, side to side. A local villager, an old man pushing a bicycle up the hill, passes her and stops to look. She doesn’t notice him, her eyes are closed, and she becomes more excited as she gyrates against the wall.

She stops abruptly when the man begins to talk.

OLD MAN

What are you doing?

WOMAN

I’m gyrating. What does it look like?

OLD MAN

It looks like you’re gyrating, but my real question is why? Why are you gyrating up against that wall?

WOMAN

I don’t have to answer to you. I can gyrate against the wall if I want.

OLD MAN

Not that wall. It’s my wall. Look, lady, just leave the wall alone. Step away from the wall and go gyrate somewhere else. I live on the other side and I don’t want to have to sit in my living room knowing that there’s some lady gettin’ jiggy on the other side of the wall… with the wall.

WOMAN

Why can’t you just leave me alone?

OLD MAN

That wall never did anything to you, so stop doing things to it. Okay?

WOMAN

(stepping away from the wall)

Okay, but let me kiss your forehead before I go.

OLD MAN

(recoiling)

No, get away from me! Is that your thing too? I saw you kissing that little boy on the forehead earlier. Do you have some obsession with kissing foreheads?

WOMAN

I don’t know… I just thought it would be nice. I like kissing and gyrating.

OLD MAN

Fine, whatever.

(pointing to a group of people dancing in the street)

You see that guy in the middle, the one bouncing up and down and pointing at things that aren’t there?

WOMAN

There are two of them. Which one?

OLD MAN

The one on the right.

WOMAN

Yeah. What about him?

OLD MAN

Well, I saw him earlier, down by the rocks, swaying around in slow motion like an idiot. He looks like he might want kissed on the forehead. Go try him.

The woman walks away, brushing her hand sensuously against another wall.

OLD MAN

Stop it! I can see you! Just stop touching the walls, lady!

SCENE TWO

A club. Luis Fonsi is standing at the bar when the same beautiful woman enters and starts gyrating in the middle of the room. The same old man enters moments later, sees her, rolls his eyes and makes straight for the bar and orders a drink.

LUIS FONSI

Hey, do you know that woman?

OLD MAN

Not personally, but we’ve met.

LUIS FONSI

She’s so beautiful! I can’t believe how beautiful she is.

OLD MAN

You like her?

LUIS FONSI

Oh yeah! I really wanna rub up against her.

OLD MAN

(to himself)

Why don’t people just want to have sex anymore? What’s with all this rubbing?

(to Luis Fonsi)

Listen, I may know something about her that could help you out, if you’re interested.

LUIS FONSI

Oh yeah? You? Tell me.

OLD MAN

Not so fast. First I want to know something from you.

LUIS FONSI

Okay, what do you want to know?

OLD MAN

What were you doing down at the sea this morning, on the rocks?

LUIS FONSI

What are you talking about? I wasn’t down on the rocks this morning.

OLD MAN

Come on, Luis, I saw you, walking around in slow motion, throwing your arms up in the air.

LUIS FONSI

No, you’ve got me confused with somebody else.

OLD MAN

Ok, sorry, I really thought it was you. I guess I’ll go find that other guy and tell him how to get with this girl.

The old man begins to walk away.

LUIS FONSI

Okay, okay, it was me. Sometimes I just like to be dramatic. I like it down there, with the waves crashing against the rocks. I can imagine that there’s a helicopter flying around me, and over-the-top music is playing. Is that a crime? All right, I’ve told you, now tell me how to get with this goddess of gyration.

OLD MAN

It’s really simple. She’s got a thing for walls.

LUIS FONSI

Walls?

OLD MAN

Yes, walls.

LUIS FONSI

I don’t understand. What do you mean, she’s got a thing for walls?

OLD MAN

She can’t keep her hands off them. I caught her outside my house, rubbing up against the wall, touching it all over.

LUIS FONSI

And? So? How does that help me get closer to her?

OLD MAN

What I’m trying to say is that you, Luis, don’t have to do anything to get with her. Just stand up against that wall over there, and stand real still. And then she’ll come to you. Try not to do your dramatic arm waving. It doesn’t help your cause.

LUIS FONSI

Are you making fun of me?

OLD MAN

Not this time. Seriously, go and do it.

LUIS FONSI

Okay, but if it doesn’t work out, it’s your fault.

OLD MAN

Sure, blame the old man because the young man can’t get a girl. Whatever, I’m going home.

LUIS FONSI

But the night’s still young. Stick around, you never know what’s gonna happen.

OLD MAN

I’ve seen a thousand nights just like tonight. I know exactly what’s going to happen. You’re all going to run around each other like dogs in heat, and then one or two people are going to get lucky, and everybody else is going to go home drunk and disappointed.

LUIS FONSI

And what are you gonna do at home?

OLD MAN

I’m going to go home where there is an actual woman, my wife, and I’m going to have actual sex with her, rather than what you’re going to do, which is suggestively dance around the subject of sex and then finish in your pants.

The old man drains his glass and leaves. Luis Fonsi sidles over to the wall and stands still, or as still as he can, trying hard to control the waving of his arms, pulling them back every time they fly out.

Slowly, slowly, the gyrating woman gyrates over to the wall… and to Luis Fonsi. Finally, she backs up against him, and they are gyrating together. He places his hands on her hips, and she does not resist, so he moves in even closer.

LUIS FONSI

Hey baby, do you like that?

She moans and touches her belly with her hands.

LUIS FONSI

Yeah, that’s nice, isn’t it?

She doesn’t seem to hear him.

LUIS FONSI

Did you hear me? I said that’s nice.

Still she doesn’t seem to notice him.

LUIS FONSI

Can you hear me? Are you ignoring me? I kind of feel like a part of the wall here. I mean, it seems like I could be anybody, or maybe even the wall itself. Are you gyrating with me or with the wall? Cos I’m starting to believe the old man. Do you really have a thing for walls?

The woman stops gyrating and turns around with a satisfied look.

WOMAN

Oh, hello! I didn’t see you there. Have you been here for long?

LUIS FONSI

No, I just got here.

WOMAN

Can I kiss your forehead?

The woman kisses his forehead. Luis Fonsi finishes in his pants.

THE END

Copyright©2017 Bohemian Breakdancer

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