How to become a rock god

I now have GarageBand. This application allows me to create musical works of staggering accomplishment in mere minutes. I would like to share with you one of my creations, or children, if you will, for just like Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and subsequent mental breakdown fame, I consider my songs to be myContinue reading “How to become a rock god”

How to travel as a vegan in Europe

Vegan traveling in Europe is not easy, but neither is it all that difficult The big problem is that sharing food is an important custom in every culture, to a greater or lesser extent, and most food that is shared comes from animals. How are you going to get around that? The only way toContinue reading “How to travel as a vegan in Europe”

Introducing GiveAFuck – The App That Cares

It should be clear by now that many governments of the world don’t give a fuck about their own people. If they did, they would provide basic healthcare for everybody, unemployment benefit for those who lose their jobs, and probably some safety measure to stop crazy people from murdering children in their schools. Here inContinue reading “Introducing GiveAFuck – The App That Cares”

The Good Samaritan

A short comedy about carrying out a murder fantasy. 9 min read. A note on performance: while I have written one or two characters in specific genders, the only gender that is fixed is that of the victim’s mother. All other genders can be changed depending on the cast available. But please, no crossdressing forContinue reading “The Good Samaritan”

The depth of grief

To weep is to make less the depth of grief.               — William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part III Stephen works for the city. He has a mundane job. His job is to work with spreadsheets. The city requires that he use his spreadsheets to make the city a more efficient city.Continue reading “The depth of grief”

A Letter to Batman from the Gotham City Police Department

Re: Best Practices and Public Awareness/Safety Training Dear Batman: We are writing to you because you recently registered to be an auxiliary agent of the Gotham City Police Department. The Gotham City Code requires all law enforcement agents to undergo training in police best practices and public awareness/safety. Topics of this mandatory training include, butContinue reading “A Letter to Batman from the Gotham City Police Department”

10 Reasons Why Listicles Make You Feel Slightly Disgusted

We all know them, and most writers experiment with them at one time or another, a bit like how we all experiment with sexuality, or bad hair styles. The format is simple: the listicle is a cross between a list and an article, with an introduction that is so unnecessary that most people tend toContinue reading “10 Reasons Why Listicles Make You Feel Slightly Disgusted”

The anxiety of pigeons

Many of the buildings in the center of Madrid have interior and exterior apartments. An exterior apartment borders the street, while an interior one meets the apartment building on the parallel street. Imagine a solid building with a few shafts bored out of the center. When you open the curtains in the morning, the chancesContinue reading “The anxiety of pigeons”

Despacito from the other side

The awesome power of this music video is best appreciated with the sound off. Important note: the events in this sketch are not the fault of any of the characters. Behind every stupid music video is a stupid director. SCENE ONE A young, beautiful, scantily-dressed woman is walking through a small Puerto Rican village, sensuously.Continue reading “Despacito from the other side”

What we say when we experience racism second-hand

A group of actors are preparing to read from scripts. FIRST ACTOR So, then he said sorry but he couldn’t help me and that I needed to go to the other office, where I’d already told him I’d been, but he just said I had to go back there again. THIRD ACTOR No, you’re wrong.Continue reading “What we say when we experience racism second-hand”